I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
well you can't waste a boner
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
