I'm jealous of your bromance
Screwed.edu
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
