Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
