i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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