I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
third nipple confirmed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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