The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
