Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He shit in the fireplace
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
