You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
