Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
