And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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