question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
