He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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