You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
