It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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