when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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