He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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