Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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