So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
