Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
