yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
