they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
