I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
