And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
