The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
