i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
