it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
