He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize