I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
