How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
there's paper in my vomit.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
