and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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