I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
