you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
