So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
