I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
