wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
