TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
