Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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