we have pet lesbian snakes
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
