She said her name was "party"
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
