He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
