Your dad touched me again.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
