I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
