i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
