He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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