Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
