I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
