just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
