Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
