Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you didnt know i had herpes?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need to calm my uterus...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
