ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize