true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
