my mouth tastes like poor choices
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
pop tarts are not kleenex
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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