You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
