i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
