She told me I should be a condom model.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
