I think I died a long time ago.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
there is glitter all over my balls
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
