i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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