This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
