dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
