Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
