When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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