Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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