His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
