wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The beer is more important than you right now.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize