It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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