I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
